CoAbode

Though we have barely enough time to focus on ourselves, I have been
finding joy in the in between moments of each day. Watching the water
splash out of the bath tub, knowing I will have clean up the water
fight the boys are having and remembering - "Someday I am going to
miss this." The frustrations are many but I remind myself to think
about the future, when they are grown and living lives of their own.

Weathering the difficulties of single motherhood means we are growing
too. Like our children, it is happening to us fast; so fast we may
not be seeing our progress.

I have watched myself grow for the past four years, having left a bad
relationship, with no job, no hope and a second child on the way. I
believed my life was doomed for some untold reason and that these two
children were a blessing perhaps I did not deserve.

Now, four years later I can see that the blessing was all of the pain
I have had to feel, heal, and move through. The scars of my struggle
are the shining wounds of a warrior who went to battle against all
odds to nurture and protect her children ... and I have won.

Though the outside world has not changed very much, our home and our
daily lives are chaotic and peaceful in their own right. I have come
to accept where we are. We are closer to poor that rich for now, but
we are far richer than those families I see whose lives have never
been turned upside down for survival and safety. And somehow, I
managed to keep it together: be completely sober, stronger, older,
wiser and less afraid of anything that comes our way.

My boys are now 7 and 3, and we are making it with the help of family
and friends. We are also propelled by the energy of preservation from
the Universe, the one that keeps the flower tight in the bud and safe
on the coldest night and tells it when it is time to gently open up,
and share its true beauty with the world.

by Christina Ciani

Posted by CoAbode at 11:30 AM | Permalink

There are so many ways to celebrate our loved ones. Over the years I have enjoyed creating rituals and celebrations that mark special passages of the people in my life... One of the most memorable occasions was a treasure hunt I created for my husband on Valentines Day.

When he came home from work the house was dark and only lit by candle light. He walked through the door and saw a candle on the entrance table with a note, “Welcome home sweetie, this is the first ‘Clue’ that will lead down a path towards finding your Valentines Gift.…

follow the candle lit pathway to an item that represents the day we were married, you will be able to spot it because it is surrounded by red roses, a wrapped gift and a red candle. When you reach the item lift it up for your next ‘Clue.”

(Next note) “Sweet William, here is a gift that acknowledges the love I have for you and the gratitude I feel when I think of our time spent together. Inside the gift you will find the next ‘Clue’. (The gift was a copy of a love poem that was read on the day we were married)

(Next note) “These words are dear to my heart and remind me of the day I promised to hold you in the highest light. Since that day my love has grown more full and tender for you. To find your next ‘Clue’ find a place in our home where these words remind us of our love each day, behind the words you will find the next ‘Clue’. (We have a framed copy of the poem in my husbands office, the next clue was taped on the backside of the frame)

(Next note) “Congratulations, you have found your way to the next ‘Clue.’ The next note you will find wrapped in a gift in the exact spot Aidan was brought into the world.” (Our son was born at home and in our bedroom) (The gift is a framed picture of our two children, Aidan & Malia, with love notes written by them on the back.) In addition there was another ‘Clue’

(Next note) “Beloved Father, You’re getting good at this… you are getting really close to your Valentines Gift. Your next journey will lead you to a place where the exact blooms that graced your wedding day lay.” (Outside in our backyard we planted flowers that we had in pots on our wedding day, in front of the plants there was a big velvet box decorated with rhinestones and jewels and it was surrounded by a circle of candles and flowers.)

(Next note) “Sweet King, there are so many ways in which you touch my life, the life of our family and the people you touch each day. This list a way to express the immense gratitude for the difference you make in our lives.” I then had a list of all the things I’m grateful for, just to give you an idea the list was 2 pages long. At the end of the list he found his next ‘Clue’ “Now you are getting really really close… the next clue will be found in the place you find warmth each night”

(Next note, taped on the outside of our bedroom door)

(Next note) “Sweet Lover, Ok… you are red hot! Before you enter, I have written a special scenario for you… (I then wrote down a VERY detailed scenario of our favorite fantasy) Sorry, can’t go into it this is a ‘G-Rated’ version.  When he finished, he opened the door, the room was filled with a pathway of candles and red rose petals that led to our bed were I was laying down waiting for him with just a Big Red Bow on… We then kissed, embraced and had one of the most memorable Valentines Day Ever! Enjoy!

Posted by CoAbode at 10:56 AM | Permalink

Dear Friends,

I have just read and signed the petition: "Help Change Midwifery Legislation!"

Please take a moment to read about this important issue, and join me in
signing the petition. It takes just 30 seconds, but can truly make a
difference. We are trying to reach 5,000 signatures - please sign here:
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/458796522

Once you have signed, you can help even more by asking your friends and family to sign as well.
Thank you!

Suzanne Rock Stierle

Posted by CoAbode at 11:28 AM | Permalink

Celebrating Milestones, By Suzanne Rock

I believe that celebrating your child’s passage into adulthood is one of the most important occasions a parent and child can have. When I looked around to see what kinds of celebrations were out there I only found a few; a Bat Mitzvah, a Quinceanera or a Sweet Sixteen Party. Although I liked elements of all of them, I wanted to create an event that truly honored and celebrated my daughter’s uniqueness. Before I began, I asked her what she wanted and fortunately for me she wanted to have a big party with her friends and family. I decided to keep the details of the event a secret because I wanted to create an element of surprise. So here are the details of the day’s event…

In the morning I had her come into my master suite filled with flowers and she had her favorite breakfast and took a bubble bath. I then had a few girlfriends come over and gave her a massage, manicure and pedicure, facial, do her makeup and hair, and then they dressed her in a beautiful tailored red dress. Little did she know what was going on outside of closed doors. hehe We had over 75 people who love her creating an atmosphere of beauty with pictures, flowers, quotes, and collages made by her friends.

When Malia came out of the room she was escorted into the living room and surrounded by 8 women who took a huge part in influencing and raising her. They each talked about the difference that Malia has made in their lives. Not a dry eye in the room! Then we walked her out to the backyard where she walked under an archway created by people holding hands above her head. This led her to the center of the yard where people gathered around her in a circle. Many people then spoke to her about the qualities they saw in her that would make her an extraordinary woman. The air was filled with tears, gratitude, and laughter. After that, Malia talked about the kind of woman she wanted to become and as a group we all committed to her that we would support her in reaching her dreams and goals. The day’s event ended with a slideshow of her life, great food and dancing. I don’t think anyone who attended Malia’s Rite of Passage celebration will ever forget it, we all left feeling touched, moved and inspired. What a day!

Posted by CoAbode at 9:22 AM | Permalink

Celebrating Milestones, By Suzanne Rock:

The first experience I had of ritual was a blessing way my mother created for me when I was twenty six and pregnant with my first child.

In my late teens and early twenties my mom was in a woman’s group that met twice a month for almost 8 years. She kept inviting me but it never sounded appealing. In fact I thought it sounded like some cult or satanic ritual. She talked about sitting in a circle with other women, celebrating the seasons and each other lives. It sounded weird and I wanted nothing to do with it. When I got pregnant she begged me to let her throw me a “Baby Shower” or a Blessing Way as she called it. I reluctantly agreed.

The day came and she had me stay in my room while she was getting ready. I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to experience. She led me out of my room through a walkway of candles and flowers into the living room where 12 of my closest women’s friends were waiting for me. They were sitting in a circle around a candle lit center altar. The room was filled with gorgeous flower arrangements and candles everywhere. I’ll never forget how my girlfriend’s eyes were filled with such love. And then it began. My sister started talking about this important transition that I was about to go through, the passage from maiden to motherhood. As she spoke and sang to me and styled my hair. She put flowers in it to symbolize my transformation. My mother then washed my feet in rose petals and warm water as a gesture of love and support. Then each one of my girlfriend’s read a poem or prayer about the blessings of motherhood and why they think I’ll make a good mother. I’ve never felt so seen, loved and cherished. They gave me gifts from the heart. One friend gave me a scarf her mother gave her; another gave me stones from moon beach that she specifically picked out with me in mind. Then they each picked up a tall taper candle and placed it in a sand filled bowl, lit it and offered me qualities that would support me while I was in labor, like, strength, endurance, laughter and ease. When they were all placed in the bowl I blew them out and was asked to light them again when I was in labor. I can honestly say that this was one of the most profound experiences of my life. We then ate, talked and laughed for hours.

I remember looking at my mom after it was all over and said, “This is ritual?” she said, ‘Yes, I’ve been trying to tell you.” And the only thing that came to mind was, “Wow, I’m hooked!”

Posted by CoAbode at 9:08 AM | Permalink